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Gail Vaz-Oxlade's Guide To

For more than 20 years you have witnessed Gail Vaz-Oxlade’s trademark straight-up money wisdom, both on Radio and Television, most notably as host of TVs Till Debt Do Us Part, Princess and Money Moron. Gail is a multiple time, best-selling financial author, and one of the top Canadian authors of the past decade. Gail brings her common sense wisdom to answer your questions about amicable divorce in Ontario.

GG to Keeping Your Amicable Divorce…‘Amicable’ 3

Gail Vaz-Oxlade's Guide To

For more than 20 years you have witnessed Gail Vaz-Oxlade’s trademark straight-up money wisdom, both on Radio and Television, most notably as host of TVs Till Debt Do Us Part, Princess and Money Moron. Gail is a multiple time, best-selling financial author, and one of the top Canadian authors of the past decade. Gail brings her common sense wisdom to answer your questions about amicable divorce in Ontario.

Gail Smile Transparent

Keeping Your Amicable Divorce…‘Amicable’

An amicable divorce is to minimize animosity and orchestrate an agreeable end to a marriage without serious disagreement. The concept of a friendly divorce can seem counter-intuitive. The common perception of divorce is that that the ordeal must be wrought with conflict and animosity towards one another, but this simply is not true. You can manage your conflicts positively, or you can handle them negatively… It’s YOUR choice.

While well intentioned, many who choose the amicable route when they enter into the divorce process sometimes (or often) find it difficult to keep the process amicable. Fights erupt; bitter remarks slip out; secrets bubble to the surface… You’re not going to be all smiles all the time. Divorce is an emotional ordeal and naturally, there are going to be disagreements. But when couples divorce amicably, they choose to do so for the sake of their kids, for their finances and for their own sanity.

Read related: “The Benefits of an Amicable Divorce

There are, indeed, ways you can help mitigate hostility and promote a more positive separation process.

It can be difficult to block out the external noise but don’t let anyone (e.g. family, friends, adversarial lawyers) spin your normal disagreements into nasty conflicts with your spouse. Indeed, much of the divorce industry is built upon making you and your spouse fight. But it is YOUR job is to keep your eye on the big picture – your future. Take a breath. Deal with your small squabbles in short order and save the big issues for your mediator.

Keep your channels of communication open. Fight the instinct to cut off your spouse from every aspect of your life. Even though you may want to keep your arrangements, legal preparations and financial decisions to yourself, realize that this is counter-productive to your amicable divorce. Instead, let your spouse know that you are open to all forms of communication and that you would be happy to sit and talk about anything that may he/she may need to clarify from you.

Whenever possible, deal directly with your spouse. This will bring about greater transparency between your respective perspectives and priorities and you’ll be able to use your mediation/legal hours more efficiently. Don’t use your kids as messengers between you and your spouse. You’re just asking for a communication breakdown and your kids can do without being used at the go-to person between their parents. Plan specific times to sit and talk in a neutral location away from the kids – get a babysitter, take a walk, go for a drive, talk it out.

With a little perspective, and the right people on your side, you can make it through your amicable divorce with your sanity, your pride, and your finances intact.

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