Divorce is NOT about Winning

All too often, couples who ‘duke it out’ in court fixate almost entirely on the ‘winning’ aspect. People fight their partner in court over a multitude of reasons – anger, pride, principles, revenge, or just because they think they’re supposed to! People may also fight because their friends, families or lawyers are egging them on and encouraging you to ‘make the nasty person pay!

Whatever the reason, couples that take their divorce to court are BOTH going to lose. The only winner is, well… the legal system.

The point is that you’re not doing yourself or your children any favors by spending all your time and money fighting one another. You’ll only end up amplifying the emotional toil it takes on your family. And, once the dust settles, guess how much of your money there is left to go around after a lengthy legal battle…. Not enough!

Divorce is not a game or a battle to be won

There are no winners in divorce. Husband, wife, partner, children – everyone loses something. There are always casualties and collateral damage.

“WINNING” at best is about the toil and cost of the separation process itself and subsequent Separation Agreement that you work out with your spouse. If you can, avoid becoming one of those individuals that trusts everything to the ‘fairness’ and ‘equanimity’ of the family court system. The court system is expensive, frightfully over-burdened and frequently abused. If your divorce does end up in family court, you have effectively handed the decision-making process over to a third-party – one that may not decide in a way that you assume they should. (Continued below)

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Divorce is the beginning of a new life

Instead of seeing divorce as a battle, it helps to look at divorce as an agreement – an agreement that allows both parties to move forward separately with their respective lives.  You want to both choose a legal process, that will help you both to find fair and beneficial solutions – particularly for the kids. This doesn’t mean that you have squash your anger or even LIKE your soon-to-be-ex. But it does mean that you’ll have to find a better (and less expensive) outlet for your rage. Channel your anger into your kick-boxing class and keep it out of the legal offices.

Questions you should be asking yourself:

  1. Where am I currently on the Stages of Grief spectrum?  Would I make the same decision if I were at a different stage?
  2. Why am I making the choices I am making?
  3. Am I making decisions from my logical brain or are my emotions running the show?
  4. Am I navigating the divorce journey with grace and dignity?
  5. Do I need to talk to a counselor or therapist before I make any further decisions?

People make HUGE, expensive mistakes because they don't

Gail Piggy Bank White Circle Facing Left

People Make Seriously Expensive Mistakes because they don't do their homework!

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