Gail Vaz-Oxlade's Guide To:

Friendly Divorce

Financially Smart Divorce


For more than 25 years you have witnessed Gail Vaz-Oxlade's trademark straight-up money wisdom, both on Radio and Television, most notably as host of TVs Till Debt Do Us Part, Princess and Money Moron. Gail is a best-selling Canadian financial author.

Gail Vaz-Oxlade's Guide To

Friendly Divorce

Financially Smart Divorce

How To Have a Friendlier Divorce

The concept of a friendly divorce can seem counter-intuitive. A friendly divorce or an amicable divorce means getting to the end as simply as possible.
 
Most people think that divorce is an ordeal full of conflict and animosity. This simply is not true. You can manage your conflicts positively, or you can handle them negatively… It’s YOUR choice.
 
Arriving at the finish line, will mean minimizing drama, managing anger and coming to an agreeable end.
 
Even with good intentions, those that choose the friendly divorce route may still find it difficult to keep the process amicable. Fights will erupt; bitter remarks may slip out; secrets bubble to the surface…. It’s not going to be all smiles all the time.
 
Divorce is an emotional ordeal and naturally, there are going to be disagreements. But when couples divorce amicably, they are choosing to do so for the sake of their kids, their finances and for their own sanity.Read related: “The Benefits of an Amicable Divorce

The Unofficial Rules of Divorce:

Divorce gets prickly, even in the most amicable situation

It’s often less about the legalities and more about the money

People make expensive mistakes because they don’t make a plan

Before you do anything, understand your rights, obligations & complexities

Friendly Divorce Amicable

Keeping Your Friendly Divorce - Amicable

Instead, keep reminding your spouse that you are open to communication. If it is productive, you would be happy to sit and talk about anything that they may need to clarify with you.
 
Whenever possible, deal directly with your spouse. This will bring greater transparency about your perspectives and priorities. As well you’ll be able to use your mediation/legal hours better.
 
Don’t use your kids as messengers between you and your spouse. This is just asking for a communication breakdown. And your kids can do without being used at the go-to person between their parents. Plan specific times to sit and talk in a neutral location away from the kids.
 
When needed get a babysitter, take a walk, go for a drive, talk it out. With a little perspective, and the right people on your side, you can get through your divorce with your sanity, pride, and finances intact
 

Keeping a divorce friendly is beneficial for everyone involved, especially if there are children. Here are some tips to maintain a friendly and amicable divorce:

  1. Communication is Key:

    • Foster open and clear communication with your ex-spouse. Keep conversations focused on important matters related to the divorce, such as child custody, finances, and property division.
  2. Choose Mediation:

    • Consider mediation as an alternative dispute resolution method. A neutral third-party mediator can help facilitate discussions and find mutually agreeable solutions without resorting to litigation.
  3. Be Respectful:

    • Treat your ex-spouse with respect, even if emotions are high. Avoid blaming, criticizing, or attacking each other. Maintain a positive and cooperative tone in your interactions.
  4. Prioritize Children’s Well-being:

    • Keep the best interests of your children at the forefront. Collaborate on parenting decisions and maintain a united front when it comes to co-parenting responsibilities.
  5. Set Realistic Expectations:

    • Understand that compromises will be necessary. Set realistic expectations and be willing to negotiate on various aspects of the divorce settlement.
  6. Focus on the Future:

    • Shift your focus from the past to the future. Concentrate on building a new life for yourself and your children rather than dwelling on past grievances.
  7. Seek Support:

    • Lean on friends, family, or a therapist for emotional support. Having a support system can help you cope with the challenges of divorce without venting frustration on your ex-spouse.
  8. Maintain Boundaries:

    • Establish clear boundaries to avoid unnecessary conflicts. Define responsibilities, expectations, and the scope of your interactions, especially if emotions are still raw.
  9. Use Professionals:

    • Engage professionals, such as mediators, therapists, or collaborative divorce attorneys, who are trained to facilitate amicable resolutions and reduce conflicts.
  10. Stay Flexible:

    • Be flexible and adaptable to changes in circumstances. Life post-divorce can bring unexpected challenges, and being able to adapt will contribute to a smoother process.
  11. Practice Self-Care:

    • Take care of your emotional and physical well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy and reduce stress. A healthy mindset contributes to a more positive divorce experience.
  12. Celebrate Milestones:

    • Acknowledge positive changes and milestones in each other’s lives. Celebrate achievements, birthdays, or important events together for the sake of maintaining a positive relationship.
  13. Create a Positive Co-Parenting Plan:

    • Develop a co-parenting plan that prioritizes the children’s needs. Clearly outline visitation schedules, responsibilities, and communication methods to ensure a smooth co-parenting relationship.

Remember that a friendly divorce doesn’t mean avoiding all disagreements, but rather handling conflicts in a constructive and respectful manner. By prioritizing communication, mutual respect, and the well-being of everyone involved, you can work towards a more positive and amicable divorce process.

What It Means When Your Spouse Suggests Mediation

  1. Mediation is typically cheaper than lawyers or the courts
  2. Mediation tends to be the faster divorce process
  3. The courts will require you to consider mediation first
  4. Mediation has an excellent success rate
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