Dealing with Negative Thoughts in Divorce

Whether you’re the Leaver or the Leavee, you are going to go through some negative thoughts in divorce during a stage of denial. Your disbelief at the end of your marriage is understandable. After all, how could something that, in the beginning, was marked by such ceremony and hope be reduced to such bitterness and hostility? How could it be true that your family is being ruptured?

Let your mind run unattended and you will become the marching ground for all kinds of negativity, worry, anger, bitterness and emotional seething…and I assure you, none of these are going to be helpful to you, your children or your divorce process.

The ability to know your own thoughts, to be aware at all times of what you are thinking, is one of the roads to self-enlightenment.  For years I’ve practiced something I call “thought watching.” I believe in this technique because I know it has changed my life.

Before, when worry, stress, negativity and those dreadful thoughts that seem to just seep into my mind would take over, dampening my spirits, making me less of who I really was, I had no way to fight back. Eventually  I had to make a decision to learn to watch my thoughts…to be aware of where my mind was taking me.

Eventually I challenged myself to redirect my thoughts to where I would rather they go. Some psychologists refer to this as “thought stoppage.” Some even suggest wearing a rubber band around your wrist and snapping it each time you begin to delve a negative mental process. Personally I don’t hold with that…I don’t see the point of adding more pain to your already aching self.

Still ‘Thought Watching’ doesn’t come naturally or easily. It takes practice… lots of practice. But it is worth it…and especially helpful as you delve the emotional process of separation and divorce. Read up on it. Talk to people about it. Attend a Seminar. There is no shortage of people – religious and secular – that are talking about this concept. Given time you’ll begin to derive the benefits of being in control of your mind, as opposed to letting your mind take you down every black back alley in Worst Case Town.

Bottom Line? Decide right now to take control of your thought process or your thought process will take control of you.

The Common Sense Divorce is a specialized mediation process that specifically emphasises the financial aspect of your separation so you can be comfortable that you are making smart financial decisions for you and your children, properly planning for your financial future and making sure you are not paying unnecessary CRA taxes because of a poorly prepared Separation Agreement.   

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