How To Tell Your Kids About Divorce
You already know this won’t be easy. What you may not realize is just how much this moment matters.
Children don’t need perfect words. They need your clarity. They need your presence. And they need your promise that the people they count on are not falling apart.
The way you handle this conversation will shape the story your child tells themselves about the separation. Years from now, this moment will still echo.
This isn’t about getting it right. It’s about doing it well.
At The Common Sense Divorce, we’ve helped thousands of Ontario parents prepare for this exact conversation. And every time, the advice is the same. Speak simply. Stay grounded. Lead with love.
This may be the hardest conversation you ever have as a parent. But your children deserve clarity and reassurance, not confusion or silence.
What you say and how you say it will shape how your child understands the separation. They need to hear that they are loved, that this is not their fault, and that both parents are still committed to being there for them.
The approach matters. The timing matters. And what you say should match your child’s age and stage of development.
Keep reading for practical, age-specific advice to help you prepare for this conversation.
Speaking to Toddlers About Divorce
Children under five won’t understand divorce, but they understand separation. They know when one parent stops being at the breakfast table. They know when routines shift and tension enters the room.
Keep your words short. Repeat them often. Use the same sentence every time.
“You have two homes now. Both homes love you. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Don’t overtalk. At this stage, presence matters more than explanation.
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Speaking to School-Age Children
Children of this age are typically smarter than given credit for, and may have picked up on changes in their parents’ relationship. Pick a time early in the weekend to tell them, so that you are around to provide support. Many children this age will be concerned about how their lives will be affected by the separation.
When speaking to them, provide a simple explanation about how their daily life will change and how you will help them to deal with those changes. If they have difficult questions, prepare to answer them honestly, rather than brushing off the question and leaving them to dread over it.
Remind your children that it is not their job to make their parents happy and that, while you can’t live together with your spouse, you will always love your children.
How To Tell Your Children You Are Getting A Divorce
Telling your children about an impending divorce is undoubtedly one of the most challenging conversations a parent can have.
Speaking to Teenagers
Teenagers are fully aware of what divorce means and may have viewed it from afar through their friends’ parents. Many teenagers will have had their own relationships that have ended, and will have their own personal experience to draw on.
Teens value the truth from their parents and are always wary of hypocritical behaviour. Ensure you are open, honest, and direct with your teenagers when speaking with them. You are not obligated to provide every last detail, but they will want to know the reasoning behind the decision. You can justify your decision to them, but do not blame your spouse as you do so.
Regardless of the age of your children, let them know they can rely on you. Make and keep realistic promises to them. Try not to overly confide in them and do not involve your children in the conflict. Avoid disparaging your spouse in front of them, as that spouse will always remain a parent to your child.
Divorce is tough on children at the start, but studies indicate that they recover rapidly after the initial shock. If you act as the person your children think you are and provide them with happy homes and minimal conflict with your spouse, they will thrive in no time.
Consider The Time of Year
Consider what else is happening in your children’s life. Is it a holiday or a birthday? Associating your separation with a calendar event can negatively flavor that occasion for years. Waiting a week or so after and event is usually appropriate.
Kids do well when there is a schedule and routine in their lives. Plan for major changes to their lives when they have helpful distractions and regular routines like school. Waiting until the end of a vacation or break may help them to adjust faster.
You already know this won’t be easy. What you may not realize is just how much this moment matters.
Children don’t need perfect words. They need your clarity. They need your presence. And they need your promise that the people they count on are not falling apart.
The way you handle this conversation will shape the story your child tells themselves about the separation. Years from now, this moment will still echo.
This isn’t about getting it right. It’s about doing it well.
At The Common Sense Divorce, we’ve helped thousands of Ontario parents prepare for this exact conversation. And every time, the advice is the same. Speak simply. Stay grounded. Lead with love.
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