Very often people come to the end of a relationship on very different timelines. If you’ve been considering divorce for a while, then you’ve had time to wrap your head around the idea. Your partner probably has not. You need to give them some leeway.
Assuming you are not in an abusive relationship, that you are not in immediate danger and neither are the children, you’ll want to sit down and have a conversation with your spouse. After all, you’ve spent a lot of time living with this person – he or she deserves this conversation.
Choose a time to speak when you won’t be interrupted. It’s important that you’re not both exhausted after a day of work or that you aren’t in a heightened emotional state. You both need to be calm in order for this conversation to to be effective. If you pick a time and it doesn’t work out, eg. your mate gets very upset, then end the conversation and come back to it at a later date when you can talk about it more calmly.
During this conversation, you need to say what must be said – clearly you have reasons for wanting to be out of the relationship – say what they are. Don’t be unclear or vague. Don’t try to soften things. Just tell the truth. You don’t have to be mean about it, you just have to say what’s true.
Every couple faces unique challenges.
Understand how separation will affect you,
your children, your finances and your future.
Be prepared for the fact that your partner is going to want to talk about this a lot. Initially your partner may even leave because they’re processing too much information all at once. If this happens, pick another time to talk and start the conversation again.
If/when your partner is ready to talk about the separation, LISTEN! Don’t defend your position. Your partner has a right to rant as this news may have come out of the blue for them.
Reassure your partner that you empathize with how they feel. They may be sad. They may be angry. They may simply not know what to do next. EMPATHIZE! Tell them that you still want the best for them, but you cannot continue living with them anymore.
At some time, you have to bring the discussion to a conclusion. Your mate may want to go on and on with the conversation because they are still coming to terms with the news. If your mate doesn’t want to let it go, it may be a good idea to have a back-up plan. Have a place outside the home (family, friends, hotel) where you can spend a night or two until you can both reach a final conclusion to the discussion.
Once you both come to a conclusion, call us first to find out how The Common Sense Divorce can help you and your spouse avoid costly mistakes and get your separation process started off on the right foot.
Not everyone is ready to talk with someone in person. You can call the Common Sense Divorce at anytime and hear a pre-recorded 2 min message about our services.
We will gladly take the time to speak with you about our services and the divorce process in Ontario. The Common Sense Divorce offers a free 20 min telephone assessment and consultation.
We understand that this is a difficult time and calling us is a big step. We are going to work hard to make this phone call easier, make you feel at ease and make sure that we respect your privacy.
We understand that you may be just researching and have not made any decisions. We do not assume that because you are calling, that this means you are divorcing.