What Made Me Finally Ask For a Divorce?

15 Humble Bites of Divorce Advice

What makes someone ask for a divorce? If you are reading this article, you are likely trying to find the words to help you articulate the difficult place you find yourself in.  What exactly am I thinking? What does this mean?

Living in limbo is tough.  Actually it’s more than tough, its devastating.  And marriage limbo is only resolved when we finally make a decision. Am I choosing to stay and work on my relationship or am I choosing to ask for a divorce and move on with my life?

Think of those horrible times when we are waiting on tests result from the doctor.  We live in angst.  We scour the internet for something to hold onto.  We can’t sleep. Ironically, when we finally get the results, be they good or bad, they are easier to live with than the interim of waiting.

Words help us to clarify our tangled webs of thoughts and feelings.  Here’s how others described their relationship ‘limbo tipping point’ and what made them ask for a divorce.

When to ask for a divorce

“My journey started with trying to understand why I was so unhappy. I worked on myself by exercising, reading self-help books, seeking counseling, but something was still off. I had to finally look closer at my marriage. Eventually I chose to ask for a divorce.”

What Made Me Ask For A Divorce?

  1. “By the time I finally told my spouse I was unhappy and thinking divorce, he suddenly started doing all the things I wanted him to do all along. But unfortunately, by that time it was too little too late.”
  2. “I was staying in the relationship for everyone else; my kids, my family, my church. I finally made a decision for my own happiness.”
  3. “I felt like I had to turn a blind eye to bad behaviour in exchange for financial security. Then I realized that our commitment was based on weak personal boundaries. One day I just didn’t want that anymore.”
  4. “It was like marriage meant living in perpetual financial drama. I finally realized that she didn’t care about the finances and never would. I had to ask for a divorce”
  5. “The resentment was a relationship killer and it seeped into our marriage like a plague, It was like it was impossible to cure and just easier to escape.“
  6. “I craved connection, but didn’t know how to ask for it and he wasn’t a mind reader.”
  7. “My journey started with trying to understand why I was so unhappy. I worked on myself by exercising, reading self-help books, seeking counseling, but something was still off. I had to finally look closer at my marriage.”
  8. “I needed closeness and vulnerability. When I would reach out to my spouse for that connection, and met with the “wrong” response, I found myself laying down yet another emotional brick. Then one day, the wall was just too high to penetrate and I had to ask for a divorce.”
  9. “To my spouse, everything was ‘just fine.’ To me the ship was sinking fast. I realized it wasn’t going to change.”
  10. “I finally realized that being married to me, was not a good enough excuse for treating me so poorly. Eventually it was just easier to leave than it was to stay.”
  11. “Making the decision to divorce was not easy and by the time I had said the words “I want a divorce,” I realized I had already mourned the marriage and moved on, making it too late for reconciliation. Ironically my spouse actually seemed blind-sided.”
  12. “My spouse did made a last-ditch effort to save our marriage, but it was kind of ‘Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.’ One moment he is buying me meaningful gifts, and the next moment he was furious and blaming me. It was exhausting.”
  13. “We actually went to counseling, but the drama continued because she was unable to look inside herself for the changes needed. Ultimately, I could no longer handle the anger, and the separation began.”
  14. “The marriage was holding me back. I made more money than my husband and he was holding me back professionally. He was threatened by my success but still expected me to do more of the housework and childcare. What was the point?”
  15. “I simply didn’t like the person I had become in the marriage. There was not other option but to ask for a divorce.”

How to Avoid A Messy Divorce

  1. Seriously consider mediation before lawyer litigation
  2. If at all possible, stay out of the Family Courts
  3. Gather and organize your financial documents
  4. Do your homework, understand how divorce works in Ontario