The Common Sense Divorce

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Gail Vaz-Oxlade's Guide To:

What Made Me Finally Ask For a Divorce?

Financially Smart Divorce

For more than 25 years you have witnessed Gail Vaz-Oxlade's trademark straight-up money wisdom, both on Radio and Television, most notably as host of TVs Till Debt Do Us Part, Princess and Money Moron. Gail is a best-selling Canadian financial author.

Gail Vaz-Oxlade's Guide To

What Made Me Finally Ask For a Divorce?

Financially Smart Divorce

15 Bites of Divorce Advice

What makes someone ask for a divorce? If you’re reading this article, you’re likely trying to find the words to help you articulate the difficult place you find yourself in. What exactly am I thinking? What does this mean?

Living in limbo is tough. Actually it’s more than tough, it’s devastating. And marriage limbo is only resolved when we finally make a decision. Am I choosing to stay and work on my relationship or am I choosing to ask for a divorce and move on with my life?

Think of those horrible times when we are waiting on tests result from the doctor. We live in angst. We scour the internet for something to hold onto. We can’t sleep. Ironically, when we finally get the results, good or bad, they’re easier to live with than the interim of waiting.

Words help us to clarify our tangled webs of thoughts and feelings.  Here’s how others described their relationship ‘limbo tipping point’ and what made them ask for a divorce.

When to ask for a divorce

“My journey started with trying to understand why I was so unhappy. I worked on myself by exercising, reading self-help books, seeking counseling, but something was still off. I had to finally look closer at my marriage. Eventually I chose to ask for a divorce.”

What Made Me Ask For A Divorce?

  1. “By the time I finally told my spouse I was unhappy and thinking divorce, he suddenly started doing the things I wanted him to do all along. But unfortunately, by that time it was too little too late.”
  2. “I was staying in the relationship for everyone else; my kids, my family, my church. I finally made a decision for my own happiness.”
  3. “I felt like I had to turn a blind eye to bad behaviour in exchange for financial security. Then I realized that our commitment was based on weak personal boundaries. One day I just didn’t want that anymore.”
  4. “It was like marriage meant living in perpetual financial drama. I finally realized that she didn’t care about the finances and never would. I had to ask for a divorce”
  5. “The resentment was a relationship killer and it seeped into our marriage like a plague, It was like it was impossible to cure and just easier to escape.“
  6. “I craved connection, but didn’t know how to ask for it and he wasn’t a mind reader.”
  7. “My journey started with trying to understand why I was so unhappy. I worked on myself by exercising, reading self-help books, seeking counseling, but something was still off. I had to finally look closer at my marriage.”
  8. “I needed closeness and vulnerability. When I would reach out to my spouse for that connection, and met with the “wrong” response, I found myself laying down yet another emotional brick. Then one day, the wall was just too high to penetrate and I had to ask for a divorce.”
  9. “To my spouse, everything was ‘just fine.’ To me the ship was sinking fast. I realized it wasn’t going to change.”
  10. “I finally realized that being married to me, was not a good enough excuse for treating me so poorly. Eventually it was just easier to leave than it was to stay.”
  11. “Making the decision to divorce was not easy and by the time I had said the words “I want a divorce,” I realized I had already mourned the marriage and moved on, making it too late for reconciliation. Ironically my spouse actually seemed blind-sided.”
  12. “My spouse did make a last-ditch effort to save our marriage, but it was kind of ‘Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.’ One moment he is buying me meaningful gifts, and the next moment he was furious and blaming me. It was exhausting.”
  13. “We actually went to counseling, but the drama continued because she was unable to look inside herself for the changes needed. Ultimately, I could no longer handle the anger, and the separation began.”
  14. “The marriage was holding me back. I made more money than my husband and he was holding me back professionally. He was threatened by my success but still expected me to do more of the housework and childcare. What was the point?”
  15. “I simply didn’t like the person I had become in the marriage. There was no other option but to ask for a divorce.”
What made me ask for a divorce?

What Made Me Ask For A Divorce?

Deciding when to ask for a divorce is a deeply personal and often complex decision that depends on individual circumstances. Here are some factors to consider when contemplating this significant step:

  1. Reflection on the Relationship:

    • Take time to reflect on the overall health and dynamics of your relationship. Consider whether the issues are temporary or systemic, and whether there is a realistic chance for improvement.
  2. Communication:

    • Open and honest communication with your spouse is crucial. If you’ve tried to address concerns and problems without success, and the relationship is causing emotional distress, it may be an indication that seeking a divorce is a reasonable option.
  3. Professional Guidance:

    • Consult with professionals such as marriage counselors, therapists, or relationship experts. They can provide guidance and facilitate communication, helping you make an informed decision about the future of your marriage.
  4. Unresolved Issues:

    • If there are persistent and unresolved issues, such as infidelity, abuse, or incompatible life goals, it may be an indication that the marriage is unsustainable.
  5. Impact on Children:

    • Consider the impact of divorce on any children involved. If the environment is unhealthy or harmful for them, it might be a compelling reason to seek a divorce.
  6. Individual Well-Being:

    • Evaluate your own well-being and mental health. If staying in the marriage is negatively affecting your happiness, emotional health, or overall life satisfaction, it may be time to consider divorce.
  7. Legal and Financial Preparedness:

    • Ensure you are legally and financially prepared for a divorce. This includes understanding your rights and responsibilities, gathering necessary financial documents, and considering the potential impact on your financial situation.
  8. Social Support:

    • Seek support from friends, family, or a support network. Talking to others who have experienced divorce or seeking guidance from those you trust can provide valuable perspectives.
  9. Mutual Agreement:

    • Ideally, both partners should agree on the decision to divorce. However, this may not always be the case. If there is a mutual understanding or acknowledgment that the marriage is no longer fulfilling, it can make the process more amicable.
  10. Future Goals:

    • Consider your individual goals and aspirations. If the marriage is preventing you from pursuing personal growth or achieving your long-term objectives, it may be a sign that a divorce is necessary.

It’s important to approach the decision to ask for a divorce with careful thought, empathy, and consideration for both parties involved. If in doubt, seeking professional advice from therapists, counselors, or legal professionals can help you navigate the complexities of this decision and the subsequent process. Every situation is unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all answer; it’s about finding the right path for your specific circumstances.